Table 2 Additional experiences described based on themes explored

Theme 1:

Parent feelings on perinatal loss.

Subtheme:

Confusion

Immediately after I delivered Syahmi, ‘I feel my heart stop beating, ‘why my baby Syahmi did not cry? I am looking around at doctor’s face in panic. I noticed that the team assisting my delivery look very busy and in hurry. After few minutes later, the doctor told me that my baby is not doing well and does not look normal . The doctor whispered very softly that the team is trying very hard to survive him. He needs to be transfer to NICU. I felt panic and scared. I wonder what goes wrong’.(R9)

Feeling of emptiness

‘During my last antenatal check up in UKMMC, the doctor told me that my baby had died in my womb could be about a week. I had my previous check up at private clinic and the doctor told me that I do not have any problem. Now another doctor told me my baby died. I feel confuse. How it happen within a week? I wonder how the baby will comes out. He already died in my womb. I have carried him almost 7 months and my tummy look big enough and heavy. I don’t like any procedure on me’.(R6)

Anger

I asked myself, did I do something wrong? Why did this happen to me?(R6)

Guilt

‘Sometimes it’s so annoying hearing other babies crying. But I have nothing. I want to go home. I don’t want to see anybody’.(R15)

Anxiety over subsequent pregnancy

I stared at the ultrasound monitor screen and looking at my baby face, body but I don’t see any movement no sign of heart beating as showed by doctor. She was dead. But I am having labour pain and I feel so stress. I am hoping my husband to support me. I am confused and I am scared’.(R14)

Theme 2: parent perception of the role of health care giver during grief.

Subtheme:

Lack of communication/information/counselling

‘I had my last child 5 years ago, she is normal, healthy baby and I delivered her with no problem. I planned for this pregnancy loss. Unfortunately, during my last check up the doctor did a scan and pointing to me and say, ‘Did you see what I see? Look at your baby; it doesn’t look normal with big head and small tiny body, no heart beat seen. Do you feel any baby kicking? In my mind, I knew that for the past few days I hardly feel my baby moving or kicking in my tummy. It never alerts me to sign of danger to my pregnancy outcome. I feel blurred and inside I am blaming myself. What have I done? Why no one remind me that observing baby kick is important?(R1)

Lack of privacy

‘After delivered Hidayah, I was pushed to a normal ward. Everybody have baby on their side in the baby cot. I don’t have. I heard their baby cries, it hurt me, and I feel like to shout to them. No one bother me. Is it because I don’t have baby on my side?(R7)

Theme 3: support during grief.

Subtheme:

Immediate family friend

I see my son with breathing tube in ventilator. I prayed for a breakthrough. I keep asking my family to pray for my son and I never give up doing this. I knew God will listen and care for me. I feel relieve seeing my friends read Dua and recite Qu’ran for my son. My heart has never stop from asking God to save my son.(R5)

Religious activity

‘My family and friends always remind me to be patient and take this as a test from God. They said that whatever problem I have, I must ask Allah to help solving by making a Dua or prayer. Allah is gracious and merciful. I hope Allah will bless me and solve it in the near future’.(R16)

Theme 4: decision making

‘I have to trust my husband. I knew he is strong to face this, supportive, more confident than me and able to plan what the best for us. I don’t want to think anything. I feel so sad. My mind is miserable’.(R3)